Showing posts with label cry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cry. Show all posts

Tuesday, 29 March 2011


Ohoho, I am such a punner.

So, my dissertation has got to an odd stage. I rattled off 2400 words in just over an evening, and over the last three or four days, have added about 600-700 more words. I am just over half way towards the minimum word count. I sent my 2400-word version to the boyfriend of one of my closest friends. Her boyfriend is in the first year of his PhD, and he wanted to give it a once over, out of kindness and interest.

I just got his feedback back (back back. Just thought that sentence needed even more backs), and I am just awestruck. Each little nugget of feedback is like a chunk of gold! I know that it is worth an awful lot, but I have no idea how to make it into something useful. It's a shit analogy, but it kind of works in a way. He has given me lots of ideas for other people to read, and given me a heap of suggestions of ways to develop my argument. Any normal person would be delighted at this level of feedback and encouragement. I just don't know what to do with it! I feel like my argument is going nowhere, and I worry that I will be unable to salvage it. I can't change my title as it is too late, but I don't feel like I am addressing the titular themes at all...

Dan's mum asked me what my "opinion" on Electronic Literature was. Six months ago, I might have said it was "Innovative", "collaborative", that it "opens doors to new territory and modes of communication, yet unexplored"... However, when she asked me the question, the night before last, I had no idea what to say. Admittedly, it was a very open-ended question indeed, but really, I think my lack of coherent approach to her query was that I don't even know what to think anymore. It isn't as though the advent of the internet suddenly sparked cries of "Oh! Finally literature can be truly interactive and collaborative! We were trapped by books before! There was no way to express a sentiment through temporality or spatiality!" That wouldn't be true at all. My research for my dissertation, particularly in recent weeks, has shown me, if nothing else, that the tropes of electronic literature go way back to before computer technology existed. Bob Brown conceptualised the "Reading Machine" in 1930, and sought to revolutionise the way that literary works were perceived, as well as the way in which they were written. B. S. Johnson ruptured the idea of the linear narrative in the 'book technology' long before randomization and coding on a computer was used to create any artistic work. Cinema was used as an artistic and literary outlet for a century... I just don't know what I am doing anymore.

I am in the library, and this counts as serious procrastination. Back to work with me.

Monday, 4 May 2009

Wow, erratic.

I am so erratic at posting in this thing. I have even been unfaithful, and strayed to, because at least people follow me there. I was even thinking about getting a livejournal at one point, and then I was assured that having a blogspot was marginally more respectable...

oh good lord, I should really be writing, "why can't everyone get along so we can stop wars and stuff" but yeah. I appear to be a horrible person.

Today was up and down, to be honest. Started off terrible with Philosophy and Hebrew lectures back to back. Wonderful. My two least favourite subjects. Anywayyyyy, then things began to look up, as I spent a good couple of hours in a cafe on Kings Parade called Benets drinking the most incredible mocha I have ever experienced, and eating (yes, eating!!) a goat's cheese panini. It was heavenly. I have been calorifically okay today, I think. Although I am still thinking about food things too much. Dan came to the cafe, and he had a mocha too. We discussed stuff about how other couples don't seem to want to think about the future as much as us. We like to discuss our future together...

Then went back to Fitz for a JMA (Student union) meeting, where the welfare officer decided that it would be a great idea to make me as small as possible, and belittle all of the work I have done for the Women's Celebration board. She told me that when she was showing people around on the open day, she felt embarrassed about it, and that it was ugly and shameful. I pointed out that she didn't offer me any help with it whatsoever, and that I received next to no help from anyone. I don't have the money to fund it on my own either, and everyone has been unhelpful. What's more, it is a work in progress. I started to cry. In front of the whole JMA. They are all those really confident, inherently cool people who I spent a lot of time avoiding/revering at school, and thought I would get away from at uni. At the end of the meeting, I ran back to my room, very quickly.

Then R, the JMA president knocked really softly at my door. She had run after me! She is a second year English student, which is HOPEFULLY what I will be next year. She was really nice and supportive. I wanted to tell her about everything. I sort of did, but I left some things out. I kind of wish I hadn't though. Anyway, she told me that I was a good person, and said that she was my friend. I can't believe that having a "bigger girl" say that I am her friend makes me so happy, even now I am at university! I feel like a 13 year old again! Oh lor...

I have so much to write. I won't leave as long in between posts again. I just wish someone would give a damn about my posts, and comment them!!! This is the appeal of LJ. Hmmm.