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Sunday, 19 October 2008

What do I want to be?

Have been told that I already AM all of the things that I wish I could be but that I just can't see it. Obviously, I think people are wrong. But I spend so much of my time wanting to be things, or wanting to be a certain way. I also find it incredibly difficult to decipher what I AM... What makes a person THEM? Some people seem to be so sure about who they are and what they stand for. I don't think that it is that straightforward.

Things I want to be... now, and in the near future.
  • A member of the College Chapel Choir. [Check]
  • An illustrator for The Cambridge Student. [Sort of Check, although haven't actually started yet, and I want it to be part of my identity]
  • Beautiful. I know it is all subjective... but I do wish I were beautiful.
  • Funny. I do a lot for laughs, because it makes me feel like ME and I don't often get a "me" feeling.
  • Musical. And known for it.
  • Liked. [check. I think. I have such a desire to be someone whom people can turn to, and also who can be laughed with and so on.]
  • A legend. Ha, how egocentric. (at least I am honest)
  • Someone with Youtube fame. [Check....ish. One of my videos has around 31,000 views, but I am always hungering for more celebrity. How tragic. Oh well. here is the link... CLICK! ]
  • Someone with style. I love wearing clothes. I love making outfits up in my head, and searching for all of the items. Gosh, this blog is so ME ME ME. But yeah...
  • Clever. I am never going to be the best at being clever. Because I am at Cambridge, and there are so many people here who are incredible. But I would like to get a good degree pleeeeease!!
  • creative [check. i suppose. I always paint, draw, sew, knit, make, etc etc.]

So there we go. Another list one. But nobody really reads this Blog anyway. I would be really interested to know if you HAVE read one of my posts, so please comment if you have. I do like to know if I have an audience. :)

I suppose before I end this, I might make a short, and rather incoherent list of things I want from the future...

  • A family. Yes, I want to be a mother.
  • A home. Yes, I would absolutely revel in making a home glorious, and beautiful, full of art, and music and happiness.
  • Fame. I have a problem in that I can't bear the thought of leaving this world without having left something of note behind me, so that I can be remembered forever...
  • To be beautiful. I don't know why looks are so important to me... I don't care about other people's! And to look at me, you wouldn't think I cared about my own. To some degree I don't, as I know there is no hope...

So... Yeah.

2 comments:

  1. Ha ha, Candy, this is so funny!!! I loved your Youtube video!!! Mwa ha ha! You were really sweet as an 18 year old!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gosh, my old posts make for interesting reading! It's shocking how true a lot of it still feels, even though I don't feel like the same person at all!

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