What do I want to be?

Have been told that I already AM all of the things that I wish I could be but that I just can't see it. Obviously, I think people are wrong. But I spend so much of my time wanting to be things, or wanting to be a certain way. I also find it incredibly difficult to decipher what I AM... What makes a person THEM? Some people seem to be so sure about who they are and what they stand for. I don't think that it is that straightforward.

Things I want to be... now, and in the near future.

• A member of the College Chapel Choir. [Check]
• An illustrator for The Cambridge Student. [Sort of Check, although haven't actually started yet, and I want it to be part of my identity]
• Beautiful. I know it is all subjective... but I do wish I were beautiful.
• Funny. I do a lot for laughs, because it makes me feel like ME and I don't often get a "me" feeling.
• Musical. And known for it.
• Liked. [check. I think. I have such a desire to be someone whom people can turn to, and also who can be laughed with and so on.]
• A legend. Ha, how egocentric. (at least I am honest)
• Someone with Youtube fame. [Check....ish. One of my videos has around 31,000 views, but I am always hungering for more celebrity. How tragic. Oh well. here is the link... CLICK! ]
• Someone with style. I love wearing clothes. I love making outfits up in my head, and searching for all of the items. Gosh, this blog is so ME ME ME. But yeah...
• Clever. I am never going to be the best at being clever. Because I am at Cambridge, and there are so many people here who are incredible. But I would like to get a good degree pleeeeease!!
• creative [check. i suppose. I always paint, draw, sew, knit, make, etc etc.]

So there we go. Another list one. But nobody really reads this Blog anyway. I would be really interested to know if you HAVE read one of my posts, so please comment if you have. I do like to know if I have an audience. :)

I suppose before I end this, I might make a short, and rather incoherent list of things I want from the future...

• A family. Yes, I want to be a mother.
  
• A home. Yes, I would absolutely revel in making a home glorious, and beautiful, full of art, and music and happiness.
• Fame. I have a problem in that I can't bear the thought of leaving this world without having left something of note behind me, so that I can be remembered forever...
• To be beautiful. I don't know why looks are so important to me... I don't care about other people's! And to look at me, you wouldn't think I cared about my own. To some degree I don't, as I know there is no hope...

So... Yeah.

Cambridge!

Well, here I am in Cambridge...

I have been here for a week, and a bit. So much has already happened. It is actually ridiculous! I have eaten my weight in cheese toasties. Toasties seem to be the "in" thing here. That, or I am just unaccustomed to the mysterious nuances of student life.

Tonight I am going to something called a 'College Family Superhall' which is indeed as weird and confusing as it sounds. It is basically a fancy dress dinner. I have also joined a society which simply calls itself the 'Sheila and Her Dog Society'. I must say, the people are the strangest and cutest people I have ever met in my life. They sit around in their dressing gowns, playing Charades, and eating lumps of cheese. It is all rather quaint, but yet so lively! I have also auditioned and been accepted by the College Chapel Choir, which aside from the God stuff (which I will be getting enough of during my Theology course for the next three years), should be really good fun! And it means free food on Sundays!

I am still considering whether or not to get into rowing... Do I really want to be a boatie? Do I need that in my life? I am not sure... But it is something so inherently 'Cambridge', you know?

Have made some lovely friends here too, which I am very happy about.

Sorry this is such a quick post. Here is a picture of some of us on Matriculation day. (Laura, Emma, and Me)